Tackling the Size Wars

And now, I'm going to go stick my foot in my mouth by tackling a serious issue.

You're either too fat or too thin.  Weight is a polarizing issue, no matter which side of the scale you are on.  Fat women are called lazy, even when they exercise daily and eat a healthy diet; unless they are subjected to that other stereotyped comment, "real women have curves."  And for the thin women, there is the famous maxim, "you can never be too rich or too thin," being accused of having eating disorders, or simply not ever being permitted the luxury of feeling insecure about their appearance because they are slender.

I know beautiful women in all sizes, shapes, and colors.  Beauty is not a number, health is not a number; size 0 is not the one and only ideal, and size 18 is not the kiss of death.  There is no "ideal" weight for everyone, even those who are the same height.  Everyone has different bone structures, different muscles, and we all have different expectations of what our bodies need to do for us - an athlete who exercises four hours a day is going to have a different body than someone who takes the dog for a brisk walk for 30 minutes a day - but both can be beautiful and healthy.

I've managed to err on both sides of the weight spectrum, having been somewhat "overweight" in my teens and early 20s, and somewhat "underweight" in my 30s and 40s.  I got a great deal of grief in the heavier years as I danced semi-professionally, and I had to lose weight in order to get better roles - and although it was difficult, I did.  When I thinned out in my 30s, there were compliments - and also I was told I looked sick, that I needed to eat more. When my marriage disintegrated, my weight dropped to 98 pounds.  I looked tired and attenuated, but was frequently asked, somewhat enviously, how I managed to stay so thin after having had two children. How many pounds is an unfaithful spouse and a ruined marriage worth?

One time a complete stranger in the dreaded bathing suit department actually suggested I should get breast implants so I would look "less bad" in a bathing suit.  It wasn't as though I'd come out of the fitting room in a suit for all to see and evaluate - she just sized up my bosom, and opened her mouth. But I suppose if good, fair, or middling are out of range for my appearance in a swimsuit, "less bad" would at least be a baby step in the right direction.  Hey!  Check it out - I look less bad now!

The infamous "body mass index" is a poor tool for determining anything about one's health or ideal weight.  Should my delicate boned, tiny framed, 5'6" friend "Anna" weigh the same as friend "Bella" - of the same height, but with shoulders roughly 4 inches wider across, and a pelvic girdle at least that distance broader?  Of course not.  What nincompoop came up with the BMI as a be-all and end-all of estimating acceptable weight ranges?

I think fashion models should come in all sizes, not just "regular" (5'8" and 110 pounds) and "plus" (5'8" and 185 pounds).  I want an entire range of models from XXS to XXL:  clothes are made to fit a variety of sizes, women are made in a variety of sizes, and the representations in advertising should reflect that reality.  I think real women are real women because of traits other than their weight and the distribution of it on their frames.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as they say - and I hope with all my heart that when the women I know see themselves in the mirror, they see themselves as beautiful no matter what size they are.  Common sense is crucial.  Eat what makes you healthy, don't eat to fill an emotional need, exercise enough for fitness but don't go crazy with it unless you love doing it, and go to your doctor regularly to make sure your systems are all in good working order.  Never let ten pounds, or 20, or more, ruin having a great day at the pool, a fun night out, or letting you like your appearance and feel good about yourself.  It isn't worth it.